...and not the 'hand down the back of the couch' type of looking for change.
I need to make some changes. I need to sort out my career inertia, work on my health, travel, improve my finances, dance more often, create, get a new computer, trim, sort and give away things. I know I've said this once or twice before, but it's a feeling that is growing in urgency. I need to do something different, be someone more authentically me, change my circumstances.
Not to run away from anything, because that's not me. It's more a feeling that through inaction, inattention & inertia (and maybe insomnia) I've slid, I've found myself in a place I'm not entirely comfortable in. Not exactly in the dark part of the wood, but maybe on the wrong path into the wrong wood.
Time also to take care of myself and my needs. Set some boundaries that have become eroded, be more honest and up front with people about what my needs are. Fear of upsetting people has meant that I've bitten my tongue, swallowed down the feelings of disappointment and frustration. Sometimes I've written those feelings off as my own ego taking a front seat. Some of that's true, but I think I've also been unhelpfully vague about what I need or expect.
It's time to plan. To map a few things out. Not something I'm comfortable doing sadly. I love new experience and spontaniety, but that's also the upside of being a procrastinator and a poor goal setter. I'm resolving to work on that. Make space in my life for more joy, more excitement.
I'm not unhappy, not frequently anyway, but I think I need to chart a fresh course. One that avoids the doldrums.