I was determined to write positive entries today, after the "I'm sick, woe is me" attitude of the past 4-5 days. But, that wouldn't be a true reflection of where I'm at now. I'm angry. Today is going badly.
I've got work and non-work deadlines, and people breathing down my neck. I'm tired and have to go to night school after work. I'm still not feeling well, even though I'm much better than I was. I've had a couple of hard to interpret (and perhaps slightly judgemental sounding) emails from friends that have pushed my buttons. Aaaaaargh! I feel like I want to scream or break something right now.
I've just typed out about 4 different versions of the same sentence and deleted them all. Apologising to you for feeling this way. For writing this. That is so me. Wanting to put on the make nice face, and feeling a bit embarrassed at being thought of as anything less than capable. I know it's deadlines, pressure, a touch of jealousy and illness that are making me feel like this, but even though it'll all be blown over by tomorrow for now it is what it is.
6 comments:
You do your friends a disservice if you are dishonest about being angry or hurt with (or by) them. So, I say, whinge away. Unless one of the friends you are angry with is me, in which case forget everything I just said... ;-)
Just remember, we have the musical mastery of Paul Capsis on Sunday night. Combine that with predinner drinks at the Newtown and you have a big ole gay weekend part 2. Plus Steve will be there, so you will likely be drinking with one of the hottest guys there. Oh, and further to our chat yesterday, why don't you come over for dinner on Tuesday or Wednesday night this week and check out the new floors.
The worst thing you can do with life is to take it seriously :-)
Friends surely wouldn't hold it against you that you were too sick to attend? They're probably just voicing their disappointment in a clumsy manner.
Hey there. I'm just crabby, I'll get over it. Mole hills being made into mountains. No, fear not you aren't in the firing line! :) Today is just a struggle. I still hesitate about putting this like this out there on the Internetz.
It's going to be a big musical week this coming week, I'm off to Sing Along With The Sound Of Music on Thursday, after a Flickr friend of mine had a spare ticket. w00t!
Thanks Laubscher, of course you are probably right. It was just the icing on the cake. It's mostly about feeling crabby, pressured and unwell.
crab away, love. I dig the reluctance to blog stuff like this - it's part of the reason I don't have my own (love the group blog to death, mind). but by the same token when it's done well, not A La Look At Memememememe!, it's still good to read.
you're always engaging, TOA. and sincere.
btw jealous of both your Big Gay Outings this week! lucky you!!!
Good point. I feel sheepish about putting 'too much' out on the internetz, too. I've always felt that TTS was 'an entertainment venue.' Well it sure as Hell blurs the line when I write of my pending breakup, illness and general life rant. But I suppose on some level I just want the space to feel 'real' too. I mean..it can't all be Mary Sunshine. And the support I've found online has been invaluable. So, I guess my point here is this: bitch & moan all you want. We're all here in the same boat.
Hope you feel better this week.
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