Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Save Lauren!

OK, so it was the Academy Awards last night. I love the Academy Awards. The frocks, the glamazons, the handsome actors looking more handsome in a dinner suit, the fashion disasters, the great speeches, the really bad speeches. All of it.

Except... last night was kind of 'meh'. It would seem that I'm not the only one who thinks so. Some of the humour worked, some didn't. The dictator working the 40 second speech countdown got a little over zealous and cut some people off mid sentence. Really tragic fashion disasters were in short supply. The stage set was like some cake decorator's wet dream, a wet dream they had after reading a book on Art Deco.

Actually, I kind of thought we were going to be in trouble when they announced the theme was "A Return To Glamour", then featured an opening digital montage of past great actors, then the 'Art Deco on acid' set and then all the montages of past films. Each of these on its own, fine, but compiled together it seemed really backward looking. Safe. All this in a year when the top films were pushing new boundaries, with films like "TransAmerica" and "Brokeback Mountain" pushing the envelope, and films like "Crash" taking on themes of modern isolation, race, love etc. I just think it was a bit of a poor choice. Bad timing.

Worst of all, poor Lauren Bacall. I'm not sure what happened, I suspect her vanity made her try and do the whole thing without glasses. Maybe working from memory. Maybe the TelePrompter was fouling up. Whichever, I wanted to climb into the tv and give her a hand, lend her my glasses, whatever it took. It was agonising.

On balance, it was still fun. Not as good as it might have been though.

[Updated: OK, today's lack of posts is because I'm having a really shit day at work today y'all, it's the suck, but I forgot a few things. First, if I had a nominated song, which I wrote, and I had my big chance to sing it in front of millions of people, I would ask NOT to have a burning car and shambling zombie-tons behind. Seriously, did anyone even listen to the song? It was somewhat distracting. Secondly, Dolly Parton. OH MY GOD. She has lost too much weight. Couple that with being very heavily corseted and she just looked wrong to me. Too, too tiny. She's getting that gaunt monkey face too. Eat some ribs!]


Michael Guy said...

OH! Andrew!! I was soooo there. I actually found myself leaning towards the TV in an effort to...I dunno...pull the words from Miss Bacall's mouth! They were the most tedious/nerve-wracking moments I've experienced since finding skid marks in the laundry hamper here.

And another thing: maybe next year they could put a comb in the presenter's goodie bags.

:: meow ::

Michael said...

In hindsight I had the perfect Oscar watching experience. I was sprawled on the divan reading my book with one eye on the screen. I saw George win (loved his lil' speech) and then I proceeded to fall asleep, awakening over two hours later having only missed Rachel Weisz. Perfect.

I've been playing like it doesn't matter, but it did kinda peeve me that "Crash" won. Considerate men will disagree on matters of taste of course, but I thought it was a stinky pile of spoon-fed pabulum. Any of the other nominees would have been easier to swallow.

That said, I thought Keira Knightley was THE BOMB. Hot dress, great hair, smoky eyes, the accent. LOVES her.

Did anyone else think Keanu Reeves looked like he was suffering from an allergic reaction? Puffy is not hot.

Bodhi said...

No, no, Mikey, moi had almost the perfect Oscar experience ...

I simply read the winners on the internet. Thirty seconds of reading saved me from hours of having to watch tedious speeches given by overpaid ego's in designer rags.


Maybe next year they could just cancel the whole thing. Now that would be perfect.

The Other Andrew said...

MG - I know she's a cranky old broad most of the time these days, but I heart her so. Even if I didn't, I would still have felt for her. Nobody deserves that sinking feeling of "I'm screwing this up in front of MILLIONS of people".

Michael - George Clooney can do no wrong, don't you think? Has that guy ever set a foot wrong?

Bodhi - *sigh*.

Michael Guy said...

RE: UPDATE: Yes! Dolly is getting that 'too rich/too thin' Park Avenue gaunt face. Or maybe she just loves the JOKER from BATMAN. Go figure. But the thing is this: She knows she looks like a pre-op tranny and is happy with it. It seems to work for her. Maybe it's the hillbilly coming out of me.

The hillbilly's name was "Bo" by the way. He loved me more than his pickup.

The Other Andrew said...

"The hillbilly's name was "Bo" by the way. He loved me more than his pickup."

So you were his pickup?

I've always liked Dolly's curves, but with the corset and all she looked weird. That jacket sat badly too, all bunching up under her chest. It wasn't a good look fer her IMHO. But yes, we love that she's embraced the inner tranny.

Michael said...

Did you see her red carpet dress? It was worse. Gayle King (the bitch who has my job--Oprah's best friend) asked her if she had ribs removed.
RE: her face-- don't forget she's very, very old.