Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Wound Up

You know, I don't do a lot of venting here (or at least I try not to) so I'll ask for your patience while I get this off my chest. Hey, come along and explore the dark recesses of my psyche before we resume normal programming!

I'm having a bad day today. A really bad one. A take-this-job-and-shove-it-screw-you-all-just-try-and-push-me-one-step-further type day. It's mostly, but not all, about work. You know, this isn't a hard job, although it does involve a huge spike of work at the start of each month (like the suck ass task of writing around 300 invoices, just for starters).

Or it shouldn't be hard, but everybody down the chain from me misses their deadlines on a regular basis. Because I'm at the end of the chain before things go to Head Office, I'm the one that is always under the gun each month to meet my deadlines. I've complained about it, we've had meetings and assurances, and nothing has changed. The managers seem unable or unwilling to deal with it effectively.

So, I bit back the temptation to sling in my resignation. I would dearly love to, but being without a housemate and paying double rent at the moment means that I can't afford to be without my fortnightly income. What I did do was apply for a week's holiday next week. I need the break, plus I need time to get the house 'new housemate ready', get quotes from house painters, have the carpets cleaned etc. I kind of begrudge using up my annual leave, but the break will be nice.

Maybe I'll start job applications while I'm at it.

The other thing that sent me on a negative spiral this morning was running into an old friend I hadn't seen for a while on the train this morning. David and I have never been close, close friends, but we have socialised quite a bit in the past and enjoy each other's company. David is one of those lean, handsome, funny and thoroughly charming guys that seems kind of ageless. He's a real sweetie.

You know when you meet someone you haven't seen for a long time, and you see that moment where their eyes flick downward for a brief split-second? Not judging you as such, but just taking in the changes. The fact that I'm probably 6-8 kilos heavier than I was when we used to hang out together regularly. It wasn't anything unkind or judgemental that he did, but in that moment I saw a quick flash of surprise. Right before I felt my self esteem wilt a little.

We all fear this right? This is the thing that stops most people from attending school reunions and such like, seeing that moment of comparison between what is and what was, and surprise.

Ugh. Woe is me, right? Pity party, your table is ready. Anyway. Don't worry it's just a bad day today, as Annie said "the sun'll come out tomorrow". Although I think the forecast is for rain.

12 comments:

thombeau said...

Oh, there is something better for you on the horizon. Sooner or later you will meet up with it!

The Other Andrew said...

Thanks pet. It should just hurry the fuck up, frankly.

Kisses.

Michael said...

Oooh, I get that. I used to have great hair.

Boy, you and trains this week. First the guy who was "not buoyed" by your attention, and now this possibly a vampire bloke. My advice? Walk to work.

Are you absolutely sure he wasn't investigating your crime scene/basket?

Muah!

bernard said...

Being cwanky-panties is good for the soul at times - it means that u do have self respect.

So what if David is cute and sweet and charming - if what you read into his bodylanguage was actually true (and I think you probably being a wee bit harsh on yourself there) then he is showing that he is agelessly charmingly shallow.

Just look forward to the hometime, and hope that the tradies are cute.

XXX

The Other Andrew said...

:) We all have an achille's heel about something I guess.

Don't get me started on the trains this week. Yesterday my train was 18 minutes late, which actually places it after the next train on the schedule. Every time we get a bit of rain the system melts down. ::hate::

David might have been doing a basket check, lord knows he's certainly had a grope of it in the past. (Did I also mention he's what could be labelled as 'outrageous'?) The only thing is, even though I haven't been there personally (although we've been pretty close to it, obvioulsy) I know for a fact that he's HUNG. Like pornstar hung. Bastard.

The Other Andrew said...

Bernard, no he's not shallow. And I tried to take pains to point that out.

jason said...

Sheesh

I hope things get better soon.

And maybe even the "porn star hung" experience some shrinkage as time goes on too.

Who knows.

Ur-spo said...

how frustrating
I am glad you vented.
I am sending positive and soothing thoughts your way.

Mikey (TLE) said...

Buck up Dear Heart.

While the waistline might have expanded a tad, the wit and humour have expanded far far more. And that last is what we in the trade call "A Good Thing". Oh, and don't ask me what trade I'm referring to, English is my second language.

Oh and (other) michael, that "possible a vampire bloke" comment had me sliding off my chair in mirth. People in the office were staring.

Bibnbub said...

I guess your day didnt get much better with all the sob stories on SYTYCD ep 3 tonight either hey? I had to stop watching I was getting so peeved at them. It should be simple, either you can dance or, like me, you cant (no matter how much you had your heart set on being a beautiful swan it aint gonna happen).

Anonymous said...

Nice to see all is well - hope you are managing your rent for now xx

Quatrefoil said...

I know how you feel about the work thing - I've been in the same boat. I eventually got stroppy (after various people had been asked nicely) and announced that if I couldn't meet my deadlines, I'd simply list the reasons why with the names attached and send that up the line. That worked wonders, although it didn't make me popular.

Re: the meeting with old friends. Yes, I struggle with the weight issue too, as well as feeling like I've failed to achieve anything with my life. I've found though, that the people I really liked, couldn't care less about that stuff, and don't judge me on those bases, any more than I would judge them for such things.

BTW, any luck with the chairs?