What's that line from that song that goes "You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone"...?
We've all heard it. In that instance it's about paving paradise and putting up a parking lot, about lovers leaving in a big yellow taxi, about not knowing when you've had something good until it's gone. The inverse can be true, sometimes you don't know when things aren't great until after they're over. The blinkers come off and things look a lot brighter.
This blog probably charts the tides and changing seasons of my life more than I realise. Good times show through and the tough ones do too. This was really brought home to me a few months back, when I was at the height (or perhaps depths is more appropriate) of a tussle with The Black Dog, the Big D, the ole' Capital D depression. This blog got dull along with my outlook. The word depressing cropped up a few times in reader feedback.
At the time I was kind of shocked, because I thought I was getting by ok. Functioning. Putting a happy face on it. The ole' Back Dog is an insidious bastard though, my experience of it has been thankfully very mild, but even so it's enough to see how the negativity, insomnia and lack of motivation makes everything flat. 2D. In greige.
Anyhoo, the point is that I can happily say that the worst of it seems to be over. That sucker has pulled away from the curb in a big yellow taxi and there will be no lament sung for it by me. Buh bye, asshole! My personal experience is that insomnia is both a symptom and a cause. Treating my sleep problems has been enough to break the cycle that seems to feed on itself.
It's kind of fascinating to see the mind-body connection in action. Just sleeping better, eating better and getting moderate exercise makes a huge difference. Sadly, these are things that it seems hardest to acheive when you're depressed. Motivation is a major issue.
The upshot of all this, and really the reason that I decided to write this, is that for me creativity seems to be a good yardstick too. At my worst I struggled to write blog entries. I stopped working on craft projects. Photography lost its allure. I looked at things I'd been making and thought this is all crap. At the moment I'm in the middle of a huge burst of creativity. I can't wait to have time to plan and do anything creative.
My recent blogging about picking up knitting again may not be that interesting to some of you, but it's a sign of a bigger picture. Happiness.