Tuesday, August 22, 2006

The Phantom Stinker

Where I'm currently working is situated in quite an old building, which is largely unrenovated. One of the downsides to this is that the entire ground floor of the building shares one bathroom, or more accurately one stall. Can you see where this is going? Yup, this morning someone did something in there which defies description. A stench so foul that it could only come from the fetid breath of The Beast Himself. Tiles lost their glaze, small children and women fainted and the horses were not just spooked but keeled over, dead.

Well, the witch hunt is on. Emails have been circulated, the tar heated and feathers collected, the open wagon prepared for its journey through the centre of the village. My current office is a very short distance from the bathroom and once I made it through Decon I realised that I had no eyebrows or nasal hair left. Not surprisingly nobody has owned up to the deed, but you can be assured they'll use the air freshner next time.

9 comments:

Q - 60's girl said...

it is horrible to think that if you can smell it sooo badly then it is airborne, so to speak, and (when you are unable to hold your breath for the required time) it is being inhaled into your very own lungs - ewww

feelin' for you, thats unfortunate & nasty...

The Other Andrew said...

Ewww. OK, now I want to scour my lungs and nasal passages with a wire brush and Dettol...

It sure was nasty. With a touch of added swamp gas...

Q - 60's girl said...

lolololol :)

freakgirl said...

Ewwwwww! I used to work in an old bar that was renovated into offices. There was one men's and one women's. The men's toilet broke one day and for a week, we had to share the one toilet. Nightmare. I suggest putting a candle and some matches in the stall with a polite, yet strongly-worded, message.

In our old office, though, we were all immature and comfortable enough with each other to put out a warning if the stall was uninhabitable. :)

freakgirl said...

Not an old "bar," an old BARN.

sorry.

Michael Guy said...

Okay a broccoli cheddar omelette wasn't a wise choice for the phantom stinker. MY peeve are the men folk here who use the sink like they're bathing a spastic dog. What is up with this?! I'm not the damn maid but find myself cleaning up after them! MAD as HELL and not going to take it anymore! AAARGH!

The Other Andrew said...

FG, is it wrong that I just went "oh yeah, she worked in an old BAR sure" without blinking an eye? The barn is actually weirder, don't you think?... ;)

We have industrial grade air freshner spray in there, they just have to use the damn stuff.

MG, hand basin etiquette is usually pretty good around these parts. Thankfully. Otherwise there's be even more terse emails!

worldpeace and a speedboat said...

I never believed the whole matches thing until I finally tried it. amazing!

problem is, sounds like you'd need a small bonfire to get rid of that stinker. holey moley.

Miss Eudoxia said...

I agree with the matches thing, works a treat.

Being in a job where rank poos are part and parcel we have yet to find an airfreshner that truly covers up the foul stench. I personally think the one thing worse than rank poo smells is rank poos smells mixed with far too much air freshner. That will truly make me heave.

Other vet friends assure me that burning an oil burner with "Orange" in it (availble at all supermarkets I am told) gets rid of the smell of tom cat pee, so there may be a use for your loos there as well. :-)