Monday, July 31, 2006

The Best Monday Morning Email Ever

[Caution: the following post contains some bad, bad, bad words.]

Take away coffee? - check. Monday morning ass drag into work? - check. Mood requiring a little lifting? - check.

Step 1 turn on computer at Christian Charity Organisation workplace.
Step 2 log in.
Step 3 open up email.
Step 4 scan through boring work emails, la la Christian-y work announcements, pray for this (pray for that) exhortations... spot unusual 'Quarrantined Email' announcement from Christian Charity IT Department.
Step 5 read the reasons for email being quarrantined, shunned, and painted with a giant red "A" on its chest.
Step 6 spray keyboard with coffee, lose shit and cackle like a maniac!

I know it's automated, but I had an image of some poor little Christian-y IT Department operative analysing and then typing the following:
"Scenarios\Incoming Rude and Explicit
  • The phrase "fuck" was found

  • The phrase "sex" was found

  • The phrase "ass" was found

  • The phrase "cock" was found

  • The phrase "fucking" was found

  • The phrase "xxx" was found"

Hee hee. It's even funnier because it isn't spam, it's an email from a potty mouthed friend.


Otiose said...

So... they don't want you reading the email because it contains naughty words, then email you a list of the naughty words that they saved you from?

Michael Guy said...

Just a minute here! I DON'T receive e-mails from said 'potty-mouthed friend' with 'ass fucking cock XXX' in the text!

I demand equal smut!

BTW: 'welcome back, Andrew' are the marmalade on my toast points! Yep.

Sunshine said...

So you've been the guy corrupting this otherwise goodie goodie Christian workplace. *teehee* :P

Michael said...

Honestly, Andrew, you really should reconsider your associates. Crass. Crude. Classless. It's beneath you. And my constant reminders that I'd like to BE beneath you should not be reason enough to keep me around.

PS The Christians so put words in my mouth! Like I'd ever write "XXX".

The Other Andrew said...

Hah hah, you so did write "xxx" - as in "Love Michael, XXX". Perhaps the Christians think all love is X Rated?...

MG, you are sweet. Sweet as strawberry jam.

Ur-spo said...

glad to see you back to blogging.
I am relieved that 'poop' remains OK in the Doctrine.

The Other Andrew said...

Thanks ur-spo, a short break was just the tonic I needed.

Matt A said...

Next they'll start harping on about the dangers of prawn on the internetz.

I'll email you my plans to assemble a cockatoo using a sextant...