Blogging is a curious thing. Fabulous, sometimes a bit of a struggle, and frequently very illuminating. I never kept a diary before I started blogging. I would decide to, jot down a few pages, and then lose motivation. Inevitably I would have just read the diaries of Virgina Wolfe, or Gertrude Stein or some other vintage diarist (not just lesbians I hasten to add) and decide that being a diarist would be Very Grand Indeed.
History of the "such-and-such did such-and-such on this day" type bores me to tears, but books about how people lived, what they enjoyed, how they dressed and what they ate fascinate me. Social history. I'm nothing if not social, and apparently it's how I like my history too. I mention this because being a diarist, or journal keeper, or even blogger of the "today I had noodles for lunch" school does not really interest me. Thoughts and feeling do, sometimes I like to record a day in words or pretty pictures sure, but mostly this is about how I felt on that day.
So I mention this in the context of the entry I made on Monday night. It reflects where I was at on the day. I'm not distancing myself or downplaying it, just putting it into the context that it is a snapshot of a moment in time. A moment when I was pretty cranky with myself for being silly, a bit paranoid and for forgetting some of the lessons I've spent the past few years learning. In that context it's interesting for me too, as I hope it might be for you, because it also reinforces what I know to be true.
Impermanence. None of us are the same person we were two years ago, two weeks ago, or two hours ago. Ditto for the future. This too shall pass, the 'good' and the 'bad'. Trying to hold onto any of that, thinking that things can exist as fixed in time, or that there is an unchanging "I" that can be fixed in time, is a recipe for disaster and dissatisfaction. Sometimes this blog shows me all sorts of lessons about just how changeable things are, and just how different my thoughts, reactions and judgements can be depending on the mental state I am in at the time. Potent stuff and a valuable lesson.
5 comments:
I've kept a diary for 10 years. When I started writing a blog, I notice my journal entries are going down, apparently all my libido is being channeled into blogging. The journal is for the mundane events now. Not a bad idea; often I am asked 'where did we eat last year on that holiday?"
I can look it up
So, by all means keep up both; I really enjoy your blog!
There's only now. And I wholeheartedly agree that there is no fixed you. Or me. And that we are one. Some days my grasp on all of that is firmer than others. One of the best things about blogs is seeing that people all over the world are struggling with the same things. At the same time. Even with travel, I don't know if I ever felt such a sense of community as I do sometimes around these and similar parts.
Ur-spo, thanks for the compliment! I agree that sometimes it's good to be able to look back and see what happened on a particular day. Particularly as I enter my dotage and the memory starts to fade... :)
Michael, word. Kindred spirits crop up in the darndest places. Like Dayton, Ohio for example.
Q 60's Girl, thanks for the kind words, and the congratulations! :)
It may be a 'snapshot of a moment of time' but you've allowed us to look at one helluva' an album over time. I so admire your writing and thoughts, Andrew. And I think, too--folks need to see the lumps in the sugar. It's not always about the sweet.
I'd just like to say thank you for all your blogging so far, please keep it up. You are sharing your journey with us all, and for me personally both this particular snapshot, and the old patterns one you're referring to, resonated so deeply with me, too. Others have said the same - 'we're all pretty funky at the moment' or words to that effect.
Anyway, if you ever find your straight twin, and he's single, please send him my way! You rock. Seriously though, I've been following Buddhism for about four or five years now too, and I'm such a beginner still - I think I always will be - your musings help me and are food for thought. Contemporary and local lessons/experiences of dharma, or karma, or simply life.
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