It's been cold and raining here for about 4 days solid now. Oh sure, those of you who spend months a year shovelling your driveways are thinking "And, so what?", but 4 days of solid rain with just tiny breaks of not raining is taking its toll. I already posted about not really feeling ready for Winter, about really enjoying Summer this year. This rain has ushered in a mini dose of the blahs. Just a mini one.
Stress is playing a part maybe. While everywhere else seems damp, coincidentally work has dried up this week. Next week will be better I'm sure. IT WILL, RIGHT? It will. You know what, while I'm being honest I might as well add this thought, I fucked up. A year of great income and how I managed not to save money is beyond me. OK, I did clear some debt, but really not as much as I could or should have. I don't want to go back to that job, even with the money, because although it started ok it was a pretty toxic environment from around the start of the year onwards. Good riddance.
Morgan and I are still good, great in fact, but we're at that three month danger zone. The one were you start renegotiating things, where excitement starts to get tinged with reality. Maybe you spend a little less time telling each other how fabulous they are and start reacting to little perceived negatives. Do you know what I mean? It's not a bad time, but it's a noticeable change and that needs to be treated with care. It's the time when all the little stories we all make up constantly about why someone says or does something, or doesn't do something, what they are thinking or what their motivation is, are potentially dangerous.
I've been really busy at the Buddhist centre this week, and the next four or five days will be very busy too as we are hosting our spiritual head Lama Zopa Rinpoche and a few hundred students for a series of events. The bookshop I'll be running is expected to be busy. Frantic, no doubt.
So, the blahs. In some ways I think it's a bit of a standard response for me when things seem a bit too much. Parts shut own. The lights in the unused wing get turned off and the furniture covers are thrown over for the duration. I'm not depressed, I'm certain I'm not, it's far short of a visit from the Black Dog. Moody is maybe a better description.
This too shall pass. A successfull event over the weekend, some work next week, a few kind words and a bit of blue sky will fix it. Oh, and maybe a cupcake.
[Updated: Ok, if you write it, they will come. The work thing is sorted for the next six weeks now, I just got a call from my agency. Bad news, they wanted me to start tomorow which completely throws my plans for setting up the bookshop at the event on Friday into disarray. Cripes. I managed to negotiate a half day tomorrow, which lets me attend the official opening of the centre, but I need to be there all day on Friday. Crap. I'm grateful for the work, but c'mon people your timing sucks.]