Mikey (the lovely ex) invited a few of us over tonight for lashings of champagne, pizza and the round 2 of Eurovision semi-finals. I tried to get a drinking game going, one scull for every key change... but frankly nobody can drink that much. At this juncture can I also say that this year is shaping up to be a diappointment. Maybe it's the climate of global financial crisis, but this year has precious few really crazy acts. For starters, where are all the drag queens and the costume tear-aways? Even the pyrotechnics seemed somehow diminished this year.
Croatia: First act of the evening and already I'm struggling for something amusing to write. I'm guessing by the "she's in white, he's in black" motif that it's some sort of battle of good versus evil. Or maybe they're singing "Ebony and Ivory"?
Ireland: Chick rock, Irish style! Sort of Joan O'Jett with the Bangles... and Bridgitte Neilsen on bass. Don't ask me, I have less than no idea.
Latvia: Somebody turn down the strobes because I think the lead singer is fitting. I haven't seen anyone that wide eyed and wired looking since the Mardi Gras laneway recovery at The Beresford Hotel, 1992.
Serbia: There is something about Serbian humour (and pop music) that doesn't translate well. Ommpah Loompa pixie shoes, a Phil Spectre 'fro and a petulant Alice (far from Wonderland) with enormous breasts. Sorry, just plain weird and not in a good way.
Poland: Modern interpretive dance! Caftan wearing back up singers! Rhythmic gymnastics!
Norway: In summary, a pretty boy with a violin, Aerobics Norway Style, a dancer loses a shoe. A popular one with the chicken hawks.
Cyprus: Pretty song, pretty young girl. Nice. Nothing to see here, move on.
Slovakia: If I were to say to you a) white baby grand piano b) candles c) a woman in a long white frock d) a dark bearded stranger in a dinner suit... would that say power ballad duet to you? Shame she missed a bunch of notes in there.
Denmark: Hello handsome! And what's not to love about a strapping lad with a nice set of shoulders and a kravat?
Slovenia: Shadow puppets!
Hungary: Somewhere a podium is missing a go-go boy. Gayest. Routine. And. Tightest. Pants. Ever!
Azerbaijan: I think I blanked this one, or went to the bathroom, or maybe had a catatonic episode. Snoresville with a vague Shakira sound.
Greece: This song was written by a pair of Australians making it the unofficial Aussie entry! I have no idea what the song was about, but OMG the special effects! The conveyor belt! The hydraulic ramp! The skin tight pants! Meanwhile, here's a thought provoking picture of the singer Sakis:
Lithuania: A hard act to follow after Greece. A nice looking young man in a hat. Borderline dullsville after the big Greek in the skin tight pants.
Moldova: Vaguely slutty traditonal costumes. Nice purple boots. I think my attention is starting to waver. Can you tell?
Albania: Nikki Webster [Aussie cultural reference] with a pair of evil midgets and a Blue Man in teal sequins. Is it just me, the champagne, or are things getting weirder?
Ukraine: You may not know that the Ukraine was colonised by Romans in mirrorball glitter costumes, but based on the semi naked gladiators alone The Winners Of Eurovision 2009!
Estonia: Is it me or are the songs getting duller? Nice song, and she had nice hair? I've got nothing.
Netherlands: The veterans of Eurovision. As the compares said "The cast of 'Cocoon'..." in rhinestone suits. Ha!
Cultural presentation, and we're at the end. Blah. I'm kind of disappointed in the line-up this year. There is a distinct lack of truly crazy. I'm hoping tomorrow night will still hold a few surprises...